


Broken Bridges

by KatrinaKaiba



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaKaiba/pseuds/KatrinaKaiba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike wants to fix him and Harvey but doesn't know how. Harvey helps and puts things in persepective. Spoilers for 2x16.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Bridges

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a fix it for this episode because I don't think I can wait for the summer. Hope you enjoy.

Mike watched as Harvey worked in his office for the rest of the day. They were small glances, scarcely a moment or two between the trips he took around the firm. Harvey wanted nothing to do with him now. He was no longer the associate to the best closer in the city; he was just like any other associate now. Well, he would be if he had the degree in the first place. He would be if Jessica wasn't blackmailing him for his cooperation. He ducked behind the light wood-colored wall as Donna glanced in his direction. He didn't want to be seen snooping since he couldn't gauge the woman's demeanor where he was concerned now. He hurt Harvey and to Donna that was the biggest crime you could commit against Harvey Specter.

Mike turned away and started back to his cubicle trying not to look at Rachel in the doorway, talking to another paralegal. He didn't need to see her face; he remembered the look in her eyes well after they came out of their orgasmic high. If he had been looking at her with pity over the Harvard thing, she was looking at him with a mixture of anger, disgust and shame. Anger over lying to her, disgust that he was a fraud and shame after sleeping with him. He honestly felt shame as well; so much that when he went to the men's room to clean up, he vomited in the toilets. That was not how it should have happened, but like all things in his messed up life, it was the hand he was dealt and he had to live with it. They didn't even talk about it afterwards; Rachel just simply zipped up her dress and fled the room. He closed his eyes and sat down at his cubicle pulling some files across the desk to give himself something to do.

He had a sick feeling in his stomach, like a fist was strangling his insides. His mind kept coming back to the look on Harvey's face, the sound of the words as they left his throat. Mike felt the guilt rising up again as he saw that face flash through his mind's eye once again. That man, who Mike once thought was invincible, was broken, shattered into pieces and forced to pick them up by himself, cutting and scratching his hands with each shard. The worst part? Mike didn’t know how he could help, _if_ he could help. He wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Why did he let Jessica stranglehold him? He owed Harvey everything, _everything_ but...Jessica was too confident and maybe, just maybe deep down inside Mike's soul, he was afraid that Harvey couldn't protect him from her.

 _Now we're both up shit's creek_ , Mike thought. He wasn't lying when he told Harvey that he was unaware of the exact terms of the wager. He didn't even know Jessica had been the one to set them. He berated himself for not sticking to Harvey's side, no matter the consequences. He'd rather sit in jail than break Harvey's trust. But the deal had been made and now he had to live with it.

It seemed that was all he was doing now; living with the consequences of different actions and having no real control of his life. Since Grammy died actually. Everything was falling away from his fingers and he couldn't stop it. The last shoe had finally dropped with Rachel and he knew that he made a mistake. There was nothing stopping Rachel from telling on him, nothing to stop her from turning him in to the authorities as she had every right to do. He wouldn't press the issue for fear of incensing her but it weight heavily on his mind. When was the other shoe going to drop?

Though, strangely, it was not as heavy as this problem with Harvey.

He must have gotten lost in his thoughts because the next time he was aware of his presence in the bullpen there was barely anyone left. The lights were slightly dimmed and his desk lamp was on; when had he done that? He sighed and looked over at Harold's empty desk. He missed the other blonde. He missed a lot of things. He stood up; work officially finished for the night and started out of the building, not sparing a glance at Harvey's office. He almost made it to the elevator when he felt a tug on his arm. He was pulled into the niche behind the elevators and when the room stopped spinning from the inertia of his movement the face that registered in his mind caused him to internally (as well as externally) wince.

"Donna...if you're going to slap me, could you at least make it the right cheek? Rachel already staked a claim on my left." Mike offered sadly turning his cheek to the side in preparation for the blow. It never came. He glanced at her and felt the radiating heat of her gaze.

"Yeah I heard." Donna said clippingly. Mike didn't say anything. He wasn't surprised. "I just can't believe you told her. I mean," she chuckled and stalked a circle around him, continuing behind his back, "You already stabbed Harvey in the back, did you really have to twist the knife?"

Mike sighed guiltily, "Donna...please...you don't-"

"Understand?" She offered quickly standing in front of him, her face full of anger.

"You're right. I don't understand how you could do that to him. After _everything_ he's done. He warned you about telling her. He protected you Mike!" She gripped at his arms fiercely, manicured nailed pressing into his biceps painfully. "Does it mean _nothing_ to you?"

"It means everything to me Donna but I just couldn't lie anymore." Mike shot back. Donna shook her head.

"It's one thing to mess with him. It's another to completely blindside him. Because if you're exposed, he's exposed and I'm exposed." She explained to him.

"And Jessica?" Mike asked bitterly.

Donna was silent for a moment. "She blackmailed you..." Donna realized in awe.

Mike nodded. "She told me that if I was so sure she would be in that jail cell next to me, then I should blow the whistle.”

"And you don't think she'll go away?"

"No...She was just so confident, I panicked." Mike was sheepish with his response; he glanced down at his feet in shame.

"Why didn't you tell Harvey?" Donna asked.

Mike shook his head, "She told me not to and besides, Harvey wouldn't have followed me."

"'He goes, I go.'" Donna reminded him. "Now more than ever."

Mike barked a humorless laugh, "Even now?" He asked with scorn.

Donna looked him over seriously, "Yes," She told him simply. Mike blinked at her for a second, trying not to let any emotions show on his face. Harvey would still take the fall with him? Even after all this? Mike wanted to believe that, he wanted to believe that Harvey still wanted something to do with him, that he was still protective of their secret. But the words of two weeks ago stung in his mind, " _The next time I have the option to cross a line to save you, I'll send you packing and not think twice._ " The feeling didn't remain as strongly as the time went on either, " _I should have fired you last week. You know what, I should fire you right now...You keep it up, I will fire you tomorrow._ " He was on thin ice; he was backed into the corner, no where to run, no one to trust. He thought he could trust them both, Jessica and Harvey, but they had only been tugging him along and using him against each other in their petty war. And Jessica had apparently won.

"I screwed up..." Mike admitted. Donna nodded, placing her hands on her hips.

"Yes you did." She agreed her voice serious. Mike sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the stubble scrape against his palms.

"What do I do?" He implored her but she only sighed and casted her eyes on the floor.

"I can't help you this time...he's not listening to me. I'm worried about him. He's not showing it but this has hit him really hard." Donna said biting her lower lip absently.

"So...we just wait?"

"Let him make the first move." Donna instructed him. Mike cocked his head and she placed her hands lightly against his forearms, a grounding touch. "Trust me...when he's ready to deal with your shit, he'll give you a sign. It could be today, tomorrow, a week or a year from now but he eventually will."

"How do you know?" Mike whispered.

"Because you're you. And you're more important to him than you think." Donna assured him squeezing his arm gently. The conversation was over. Donna walked away to whatever it was Donna did after work hours; surveillance perhaps? Mike stood in the spot he was ushered to for a moment longer before he decided it was time for him to go. He went down the elevator and took one look at his bike and decided against riding it. There was too much on his mind; it was a safety issue. He quickly walked down to the train and started on his way home on the subway.

He surfaced a few blocks away from his apartment in Williamsburg and started down the sparsely occupied streets toward the building he lived in. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and really wished that he could throw it away but found he couldn't resist the temptation of looking at his phone. He pulled the device from his pocket and flicked on the screen and almost dropped it.

_your an asshole_

It was from Harvey and by the lack of correct grammatical structure; he was not really in the right state of mind. He started to put the phone back in his pocket but then he remembered what Donna told him. " _Let him make the first move_." This was something that he could work with.

He stepped off to the side and typed back: _i know_

He let it send and continued to walk toward his building, hoping that he would get a response but steeling himself to the thought that he wouldn't. It wasn't until he was safely behind his crappy green moss-colored door that his heart jumped at the feeling of his phone buzzing.

_im venting you didnt have to answer_

That was weird. He wasn't expecting that kind of an answer.

_i know but i didnt think_

Mike moved to his bathroom to start to release the stress of the day when the phone jumped on the table from the vibration of the incoming text.

_you never think but thats okay im not thinking much right now anyway_

Mike narrowed his eyes at the text. There was something wrong. The informality of the writing and now the statement gave Mike a weird feeling in his stomach.

_are you okay??_

Mike stared at his phone intently, hopeful that he might get a response. The phone buzzed once again in reply.

 _im fiiine_ it read.

"No, you are not." Mike said aloud picking up the phone and beginning to dart out the door stopping only to get his jacket. It was another $2.25 wasted on a return trip to the city but he wanted, no _needed_ to see Harvey right now. He made his way into the building; slipping a sharp wave to Harvey's doorman, Fred, as he went to the main elevators (he didn't have permission to use the glass one). He tapped his foot nervously against the floor on the long ride up to the penthouse trying not to let it worry him so much. There might not be anything wrong, he's been wrong before when its come to Harvey but the sinking pit in his stomach grew. The bell gave out a small ring and he sped out of the elevator to the other lawyer's door. He took a steadying breath and knocked on the door sharply, with a confidence that he didn't really feel. He waited at least a minute before the door opened a crack and a hazy, clouded, red-rimmed brown eye peered out at him.

Shit. Harvey was high.

The smell that hit him only confirmed his suspicions. It was recent; it wasn’t the dull smell that lingered in his apartment for three days after they smoked that one time. It billowed out of the room in an invisible cloud and Mike let himself be comforted by it before remembering why he was there in the first place. He pushed the door opened slightly to fully look at the man. He was still wearing the suit he left the office in but his jacket was unshed and shirt was untucked. His tie was missing so Mike could see that the first two buttons were undone but his cuffs were still buttoned.

"So, is this you getting  _your_ shit together?" Mike asked blankly. Harvey rolled his eyes and shifted on the door frame.

"Don't start; I'm actually in a good mood." Harvey gritted out and turned into his apartment a motion that Mike interpreted as 'come in' and he followed closing the door behind him. Mike came into the apartment and saw where Harvey had been smoking. There were burnt down stubs and a few joints still unlit. His crystal tumbler was half empty (or half full) of his favorite scotch with the bottle next to it. He was drinking it straight. Harvey stumbled over to the couch and sat down pulling the lit joint from his ashtray and held it out to Mike.

"Want a drag? It's from the coffee cart guy." Harvey offered, his eyes glazed and speech slowed down.

"You told me to get my shit together." Mike reminded him, telling him without words about what he had to stop when getting his shit together.

"I've told you a lot of things; you seem to like doing the opposite of what I say." Harvey retorted. Mike sighed and sat down on the edge of the table facing Harvey.

"I'm sorry." Mike offered.

"Means nothing to me." Harvey said lightly taking a drag and letting the smoke wisp in the air.

"Then why am I here?" Mike asked.

"I don't know, why are you here Mike?" Harvey wasn't looking at him but more interested in the lights over head. Mike slumped on himself and stared at his shoes, noting the scuff marks on the tips. They looked weird against the dark socked feet parallel to him; Harvey's feet. "My toes that interesting?" Harvey asked and suddenly his head was next to Mike's looking down at his feet. He gave his toes a wiggle in their confines of the fabric and giggled. He then shifted the feet closer to Mike’s shoes and tapped them rhythmically against the leather bindings, still giggling, like he did that night a couple of weeks ago. Mike tapped his shoes gently against Harvey’s feet in response to ease the conversation forward.

"She had my hands tied." Mike said softly. Harvey chuckled.

"Ooh." He groaned suggestively

"Not like that." Mike grumbled. "I mean she blackmailed me. Jessica." Harvey was silent as Mike continued, "She forced my hand. She told me she'd hand me over to the DA."

"She'd go down too." Harvey said. Mike chuckled grimly.

"No. She wouldn't. And neither would you." Mike said bitterly.

"You still don't get it," Harvey sang. Mike looked at him curiously. Harvey was smiling but Mike knew it wasn't a real smile, it was one contrived from the pot-induced haze he was in. "I would have protected you. You wouldn't have gotten in trouble."

"How could you even know?" Mike found himself asking. If Harvey was willing to be cooperative in this state then Mike was going to take full advantage of it.

"Because I'm me." Harvey said matter-of-factly, leaning back and sprawling on the couch comfortably. It was an attractive sight to be honest.

"That doesn't answer my question." Mike pointed out sitting up, placing his elbows on his knees for support.

"Jessica invested too much into me. She can't let me go. That's why the terms of the wager were what they were. Either way, I was going to stay." Harvey explained.

"You just know that?" Mike demanded.

"Yep. Thank you leafy green drug." He saluted taking another puff from the joint. Mike shook his head; how many times had the same salute come out of his own mouth? Harvey chuckled back and leaned forward, taking the glass next to Mike's thigh and sipping from it. The clink of the glass against the table was the only sound for a moment. "Jessica invested a shit-load of money in me, years of her life and mine and took a major gamble with me. She's _my_ Harvey." The brunette said softly, "but you're Mike and if you go, then I go."

"But you can't now, you made a promise and now I might-" Mike started blurt but then caught himself. Harvey quirked an eyebrow at the shortened statement.

"Might what?" He drawled. Mike shook his head and Harvey sighed. "What did you do?" He groaned, stretching his back upwards in an arc.

"Nothing!"

"No, it's not ‘nothing,’" Harvey mimicked Mike's whiny tone. "It's always something with you; what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." Mike reiterated his earlier statement.

"What did you do?" Harvey repeated.

"Nothing."

"What did you do?"

" _Noth_ ing."

"What'd you do?"

"I told Rachel!" Mike yelled, irritated by the petulant back and forth. Harvey barely reacted, the effects of the drugs and alcohol showing themselves in his demeanor. It took a moment for Harvey to connect the meaning of the statement. He took another drag.

"Remind me to punch you in the morning." He prompted off-handedly pulling the white rolled paper from his lips.

"Duly noted. It seems to be everyone's knee-jerk response." Mike muttered looking back down at their feet. They were still close together.

"She hit you?"

"Slapped me. Twice, really hard. You can see the bruises." Mike told the older man pointing to his left cheek.

"I can't see shit right now." Harvey commented happily.

"What why?!' Mike was alarmed franticly looking up at Harvey but the other had his head tilted back.

"I have my eyes shut." Harvey told him giggling manically. Mike sighed but smiled all the same. "Was the sex worth it?"

"How do think sex could come from that?" Mike asked.

"I always figured you would sweep her off her feet then tell her while cuddling." Harvey waved the joint in the air causing the embers to flicker and deepen in color from the movement.

"There was no sweeping and definitely no cuddling." Mike told him.

"Oh hate sex...no better sex than that." Harvey wistfully commented leaning forward and flicking the ash in the tray. Mike scoffed. "Makes you feel like shit afterwards though, so I reiterate; was it worth it?" Harvey asked.

Mike was silent for a beat before shaking his head. "No." He said simply in case Harvey wasn't paying attention to his head. Harvey nodded and placed the stub of the joint in the ash tray. He sat back on the couch cushions.

"Do you not trust me?" Harvey asked. Mike's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I remember a while ago, when we first started working together, that you told to me you needed to find someone else to start trusting. You also told me that you _needed_ my trust. I thought I gave it you. I thought you gave it to me. But lately, you've been questioning me and now you betrayed me and told Rachel your secret...when did you stop trusting me? If you ever started." Harvey said, his voice was slow but full of emotion. Mike's heart squeezed from the pleading tone in his voice. He was curious about his question; it wasn't simply to find out information, as so many of his questions are. He needed to know the answer because it was bothering him.

"Harvey...I _do_ trust you." Mike insisted but Harvey chuckled.

"You have a funny way of showing it." Harvey retorted.

"Jessica was blackmailing me!" Mike repeated.

"What were the other 145 options you could have exercised before screwing yourself?" Harvey asked; there was no malice in his voice; he was just tired. Mike took a breath in but then didn't say anything else. "Mike...she strangleholded me as well. But I tried, so hard, to fight it. And I failed. But I thought 'at least I have Mike, he'll pull through' and you did, then you threw it away. I understand why but if you really _truly_ trusted me, you would have at least told me."

"But she-"

"Told you not to. I get it. But if it was the right thing to do?" Harvey challenged. Mike stared at him. "You were the one telling me about doing what's right and wrong. You let me get blindsided by this. I don't care if you didn't know the outcome of the wager. I would have told you. You know that. That's why I'm upset with you...but..." Harvey sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the couch. "Even now, I can't seem to cut you out completely."

Mike let the admission start to hit him before saying, "So...I'm still your associate?" Mike said hopefully. He saw Harvey smile a little.

"For better or for worse." Harvey commented, eyes still closed.

"Now you don't want to go making Donna jealous now; those are your vows to her." Mike teased. Harvey chuckled. Mike felt a subdued feeling wash over him and decided to take another stab in the dark and get something out of Harvey that the other man wouldn't usually let go of when the walls were up. "Harvey..."

"Hmm?"

"Why do you keep giving me all these chances?"

"Because no one else will?" Harvey offered lightly.

"That's it?"

Harvey sighed and let his head roll down so he was looking at Mike again, his head cocked and resting on his shoulder. "When I was younger, my brother was a magnet for trouble; like you."

"And I remind you of your brother?"

"I never said that."

"Scottie did."

Harvey's head straightened a little. "What else did she tell you about him?" He asked stiffly.

"That I was like him."

Harvey grunted and let his head go back into its earlier position. "That's not far from the truth. You're both bleeding hearts who give people too many second chances. You're both soft and gentle and...I made him that way..."

"Alex?"

"Short for Alexander. He got the normal name of the two of us." Harvey commented lightly. "I suppose that Scottie told you about the hospital story?" He suggested and Mike narrowed his eyebrows.

"How'd you know?"

"Because it's the only one she was present for." Harvey responded rolling his head to his other shoulder. "Alex had a penchant for trouble when we were younger and...I always felt the need to protect him, even when he pissed me off. Because...he was so innocent. He had rose-colored glasses on and...I never wanted him to become like me." Harvey said staring off into the space next to Mike as he thought about it. "After my mother left, he never stopped hoping she'd come back. He welcomed her back with open arms after he was discharged from the hospital. Like nothing had happened, like she never did anything wrong. My dad accepted it after a while. He was happy that my mother stepped up and wanted to mend her relationship with the two of us. I never cared for it though."

"She had left you..."

"Abandoned us. I was eighteen I was able to leave...and I did but Alex...was only fourteen. He was devastated. I never told him what happened then...I just said she needed to go away for a while. He was alone and scared...he fell in with the wrong crowd for a while. I was mad at my father for letting it happen. He was depressed and threw himself into his music and left Alex to fend for himself. But Alex wasn't as independent as I was...he faltered."

"What happened?"

"A bunch of shit...he got arrested, fought me, hurt my dad. He didn't talk to me for a while. His college career was in jeopardy. Then one night...I got a phone call.”

"Were you in Harvard?"

"No...I was still in NYU at the time, a senior. My brother was surprisingly in his last year of high school. He was doing shit-poor in school though so I can't fathom how that happened. But...he got in a gang fight."

"Gang fight?" Mike asked in alarm. Harvey shook his head slowly.

"Not that kind of gang. Like a school gang; two cliques fighting kind of thing? Anyway. One of the guys pulled a knife and stabbed my brother in the knee. My dad at work that night and they couldn't get in contact with him. Pretty hard to stop a performance in the middle of it. So I get the call in my apartment and I was fuming. I went down to the hospital and he looked so pathetic I couldn't stand it. So even though he told me never to talk to him again or he'd kill me; I was there." Harvey finished. Mike looked upon Harvey in awe.

"That's...wow..." Was the only thing he could think to say.

"He straightened up after that. Went to school, college. He's a veterinarian. Practices in Canada."

"That's amazing."

"Yep...so you see, no matter what happens, I will always, _always_ protect Alex...and you...because I took a chance on you like I did for him."

There was another bout of silence to break. "We're okay now?" Mike asked with anticipation laden in his voice.

Harvey sighed and shook his head wearily. "Not yet...but we will be..." Harvey promised. Mike smiled and laced his fingers together nervously.

"Harvey..."

"Yeah Mike..."

"Can I...give you a hug?" Mike asked shyly. Harvey opened his arms out and straightened his head.

"Why not? I'm a good mood. Come 'ere." He waved the younger man over. Mike practically barreled into Harvey's chest and wrapped his arms around his strong waist. Harvey carded his fingers into Mike's hair and smoothed his hand down Mike's back in a comforting gesture. He heard a whimper from Mike and the whispers of a repeated apology as they were locked in their embrace. Harvey rubbed little circles into the younger man's back as he felt tears stain his thin shirt. Mike was crying.

"It's okay Mike...I forgive you..." Harvey found himself saying hoping it would help. It did the opposite; Mike started crying harder and gripped tighter at Harvey's shirt. Harvey continued to rub shapes and patterns on Mike's back as the sobs got louder and harsher until they progressively got softer and gentler.

Harvey didn't make any move to stop Mike or separate from him; they needed this. They needed to be stripped down to the barest emotions because once they were, they could start to rebuild. They needed to fight and get it all out because then they could move on. There were problems to deal with. The first being how to stop Rachel from ruining Mike's life. Harvey didn't talk with Rachel often but Harvey knew that she was an ambitious woman. Mike told him about how she wanted to go to Harvard, how hard she worked on the LSATs, how disheartened she got each time she failed, how upset she was when she found out that Mike cheated for others on the LSATs; he had a feeling that she wouldn't be as contented to keep the secret as Harvey, Jessica and Donna have for so long. Harvey would do his best to protect Mike; he would go so far as to sit next to him in a jail cell but he wouldn't get far ahead of himself yet. That was the be-all, end-all of the situation.

The second was their trust issues. It was a problem they never truly solved. It was always there, lying fractured underneath the surface and it was only because of recent events that Mike lost his faith, broke the trust and went on to betray him. But he had no choice; he was being strangleholded the entire time.

The third was Jessica. Jessica screwed them over but that confrontation would have to wait.

Now it was time to fix the broken bridge and make it stronger, better equipped than it was before.

 


End file.
